Good Morning!
I recently posted a FB status update, and said it in such a way that it apparently hit a nerve. I wasn't expecting the comment to be anything more than a blip on the screen, but it quickly turned into a party where everyone felt the need to jump in and give their two cents. I have to say, looking at the many comments I got, most of them were supportive and encouraging. However, the negative and critical comments always sit a little heavier than then the positive ones, even when there are a lot of positive ones.
By the end of the day (that I posted) I had every intention of leaving it behind and moving on to more constructive things, and so that is what I did. However, that is hard to do when Facebook as a medium is designed to continually reposition what you've posted in the past. It is especially hard to do when you've dropped the subject and moved on with your day, but you continue receiving feedback from family members and friends to, in a nutshell, "simma down". Specifically, my father, my mother in law, and my friend Gabe from college.
(And yes, I called you out. : ) Although this post is not directed only at you, I figure if each of you felt strongly enough to continue the conversation, then you should be ok with being mentioned here)
I've always been told "three times you've been witnessed"....So, at this point, people pleasing personality that I am always tempted to become, I would be kidding to say this conversation, that began with a post and is continuing with private messages from family and friends, isn't stirring me up a bit.
I'm not even going to try to pretend that this is the first time I've found myself caught up in a communication debungle like this. It isn't. And sorry to tell you, I know myself well enough that even if I try really, really, hard - it won't be the last time. Actually, if you've known me for more than a year, you probably can attest to the fact that it won't be the last time!
I am aware that I am a big personality and I'm naturally happy and loud. I know that when I walk in a room, even if I am completely quiet, I tend to cause a stir. It's not something I like or try to do, it just happens. I have a really wonderful and also a very bad way of making my life seem as though I have had no trial or tribulation involved in earning the joy that I find it very easy to throw around. I'm a bit reckless with it. I'm transparent. I'm honest. I'm some weird combination of very discerning and oblivious, and I say things that get me into trouble. Not all the time, but sometimes. I've learned myself over 34 years and so I know the perks of disguising myself as a wallflower - to smile politely, to nod, and to keep my mouth shut, or to say the bare minimum. I've learned to step WAY back and let others take the spotlight, and to be happy doing it. I'm so happy doing it that I've made a career of it, even though it comes very naturally to me to be front and center stage.
I am aware of all these things about myself, because I've benefited from the strength of these characteristics and also had to live with the really hard consequences of them. As Christ was called to die to himself, in honor of him - whether I am experiencing the peaks or the valleys of my personality design - I live ultimately and thoughtfully in surrender to Him. (Well, as ultimately and thoughtfully as I imperfectly am able, by His grace alone...)
Which brings me to my point.
Anyone who's worth having around me isn't looking to critique, correct, or judge me. Even on Facebook. They get my heart, and they like me the way that I am, debungled communication and all. They get what I mean to say, and they aren't looking to fix my image or presentation.
I have six hundred and something "friends" on facebook, which was probably a mistake to allow, but it is what it is now, and I haven't found a way to correct that that doesn't require me spending hours categorizing everyone into certain lists and groups. If you know of one, please message me. I have 25 people at all times waiting in my friend request box and I am slow to hit the friend button - I usually end up doing it all on one day when my attitude has just been "screw it!" I say "screw it!"because I know with every friend add, I'm sure I'm opening myself up even further. Trust me, I've thought a million times about deleting myself, I've censored myself, I've resolved to go through and delete every person that I truly don't consider a "friend" so that I could keep myself and others 'safe' from any possible misinterpretations. I've considered ending the account all together.
At the end of the day, what does that solve? This is me! I take me everywhere I go, even on facebook.
As my coach said - "Those that matter don't mind, and those that mind don't matter".
As another friend encouraged - "Keep being you".
And here is what I have to say - If you don't like what I have to post, you don't have to be my personal FB friend. It's not all business with me. It is some business, but not all. I'm not on FB or on this blog to put up a front, to be PC, to please people, or to be your version of my perfect. When I talk about me, I am not talking about you. When I say "you", I most likely mean "I", because I have made it a value of mine to serve Christ and in so doing, I talk out loud to myself, and sometimes it's on FB.
I am also not coming on your page to critique or judge your comments, (although I have the ability and discernment to do so) so have the same respect for me. I'm on FB to be connected, encouraged, inspired, and equipped, and to hopefully do the same in return for others. I have a right to my own opinions, and they may not agree with yours. If I don't agree with you and you bothered posting your disagreements on my page, I am going to tell you. I figure that's pretty fair!
If you are not okay with that - then please, do us both a favor - Delete!
If you still have something negative or critical to say after reading this post, then please re-read it, and then...delete me!
Finally, as Forrest Gump said, "That's all I have to say about that!"
Zuleida : )
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