Feeding Zeke

My good friend Janet, in an email discussion we had about breastfeeding, said that she went through so much to establish a good breastfeeding relationship with her daughter that she really questioned God's design for something that is supposed to be so natural.  My other friend Cindy has pointed out that there wouldn't be so many groups dedicated to breastfeeding if it didn't come with challenges.  La Leche League wrote a book called "The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding", implying that breastfeeding is a technique or a skill to be aquired.
I never thought I would do anything but breastfeed my baby.  I come from a long line of women who breastfed their babies.  When it came to be my turn, I enthusiastically stepped up as next in line.  There was no way I could have anticipated the amount of tears shed, the number of fights with my husband, the amount of exhaustion...the number of trips to specialists, or the amount of equipment this "natural act" would require to pull off.
To be fair, my difficulty breastfeeding is not all nature's fault.   It's very possible that a necessary surgical procedure that I had when I was 15 years old is complicating the already hard (for some women) feat of BF.  But, prior to having Zeke, I placed myself in the category of "everything will be fine".  In fact, it never occured to me that anything would go wrong in that area.  I always thought that once I got through the pregnancy and the labor, the hard part would be over - all lights would be green and go!
Zeke was born 9 lbs even (why?  I don't know!  I didn't overeat or have any out of the ordinary dietary habits during pregnancy and I gained a reasonable amount of weight - Matt and I were both 7 lb babies, so I am still not sure what to chalk that up to!) and so from birth, his weight gain was steady for the first three weeks.  He went to 9 lb 4 oz very quickly, and with the pediatricians blessing we went home thinking we were clear.  What happened next was a living nightmare.  Our precious sleeping baby turned into a crying hellian.  And he stayed that way through the 8th week.  Why was he crying?  Because he was hungry.


Skinny Zeke, at about 6 weeks old, still cute though...

During the eight to ten weeks he was hungry, we were troubleshooting like crazy to fix the issue - and in the first few weeks before he was weighed in at the pediatricians at his 6 week check up, we didn't realize his colic was because he was hungry. Once we saw his weight gain had stalled, we went through every possible recommendation and remedy with our team of experts:  My supply was fine but my milk fat was too low, My fat was fine, but my supply was too low, he was growing too fast, his suck was too weak, his motor skills were bad, he had a traumatic birth, I needed to feed on demand, I needed to feed on a schedule, I needed to see a lactation consultant, I needed to wear him skin to skin, I needed to take a bath with him, drink beer, take herbs, drink tea, supplement with formula, feed with a bottle, not feed with a bottle, feed and pump every two hours, spend a weekend with him in bed just nursing....on and on and on and on....
As you can imagine, it was basically a horrendous, exhausting, process with every person giving me their two cents about what I needed to do to fix it.  All the while, Zeke's weight gain stalled out at 9 lbs 4 oz for a little over 4 weeks, and I watched my healthy, fat, baby turn into a lean little elf like creature, as he continued to grow super long in length and head circumference, but not fat.  My head said I was doing everything I could, but in my heart, every time he cried, I felt like a terrible mother!  It didn't take long before I broke down and brought infant formula home.  (I say broke down because I believe that mom's milk is the best for baby, and I am in my heart suspect of the nutritional value of anything I can buy in a store, in a can, in mass quantity.)  I put the powdered formula together, put it in the bottle, put it to his mouth, and then...I couldn't put it in his mouth.  I just couldn't do it.
Now, I realize that lots of babies are fed formula everyday and grow into healthy, strong, capable adults.  My husband is one of them.  He's a wonderful, smart, healthy, happy human being who was well loved by his family growing up, and was fed formula.  But maybe for me this was an issue of, "If you know better, do better".  And because of my training in nutrition, I couldn't help but feel there must be something else I could do to remedy the situation besides go straight to a commercial formula supplement.
My answer came with some further research on the internet.  I stumbled upon a recipe for a raw goat/cow milk formula from the Weston A. Price foundation.  As soon as I saw it, I knew I could be okay with doing this for Zeke.  And so, to keep this long story not too long, that is what we have been doing - Breastfeeding, and supplementing with this heaven sent goat milk formula from the Price Foundation.  And Zeke has grown big, and strong, and healthy, and baby-fat, with none of the digestive, gassy, or immune system issues that sometimes come from using commerical formula.
I am happy to purchase the raw milk ingredients from a farm in North Florda.  These ingredients are brought to Central FL twice a month by Steve Moreau at www.farmfreshdirect2u.com .  I purchased the infant formula kit ingredients from www.nourishingtraditions.com  And every four or five days, I handmake Zeke's infant formula from scratch using fresh raw milk, cream, and a variety of nutritional supplements that make the milk as close to mother's milk as it can be.

Fat, Happy, Sleeping Zeke

 Looking back, I'm still not sure that our issue with breastfeeding was due to any one thing in particular.  Since I both pump and nurse, and seem to be producing a good amount of milk for him, I suspect it was more a combination of "all of the above", with a lot of exhaustion and stress added in.  Like a lot of mothers, I had hoped for, and maybe even taken for granted a smooth breastfeeding experience.  Since I wasn't able to have that, it feels very good knowing that I'm doing the best I can for him now.   And I am actually very grateful - even though I have chosen to relax on the idea of exclusively breastfeeding, and now feed him a supplement with a bottle - he still really enjoys nursing, I enjoy nursing him.  So, thankfully, we haven't completely missed on that important part of our journey together. 

Infant Formula Ingredients



Blending it all together

Final product, this will last us a few days!



Zeke's Homebirth

So, I figured for some posts I'll try to catch us up to month 3 by starting at month 1.  Sound good?  Month 1 started on Sunday, April 15th around 3 or 4 in the afternoon when the real labor began.  Don't worry - I'll spare you the really gory details and stick to the main points.  Main points being - I had an AWESOME midwife - Kelli Johnson from http://www.amothersnaturemidwifery.com, and her assistant Lauren (who coincidentally is the daughter of a former chiropractic assistant of ours from way back when we first started).  I really was super blessed to have such a great team.  Labor was 25 reeeeaaaallly loooooong hours because (we found out later) Zeke had wrapped himself and his cord (literally) into a pretzel knot way back when he was a little fish swimming around in there, and then later he managed to get the cord wrapped twice around his shoulders and neck - (thanks, dude!) so even though I was fully dialated and set to go into active labor after only 8 hours (YEAY - hypnobirthing!!), we had to wait for the cord to stretch far enough to let Zeke descend (BOOO!) before I could really start progressing.  Kelli told me she'd only seen (maybe) 5 births in her whole career who had "the pretzel knot", and one of those babies didn't make it, so I really counted my blessings that we made it doing a homebirth with everyone alive and well at the end. 

Zeke, 10 days old

Looking back, I still don't know how I would have been able to labor in a bed on my back being still, because I was moving all over the house as often as possible up until the last three hours.  I am so happy I got to be at home for the labor.  I promised I'd spare you the gory details so I'll save those for my personal diary, but all I can say is that I'm pretty sure if we had been in a hospital, I would have been up for a C-section.  Labor is HARD!  Not for the faint of heart!  I'm so grateful to Kelli for giving me the chance to do and finish the work of having my son born at home.  She really believed in me that I could do it, and I'm sure that's part of the reason that I did.  I just have the highest respect and admiration for the work she does and the woman that she is.

Having been through the experience of childbirth at home now, I will tell you what I told my mother in law, Sue, on the phone - No matter HOW a woman births her child - in the hospital or at home, with a midwife or a doctor, on pain meds or without, on the delivery bed, in the water, on a birthing stool, or in an operating room - it is an accomplishment to bring a new life into the world.  I've run across some judgemental thinking in terms of what's an ideal environment for a baby to be born in - and I think it's unfortunate because now that I've experienced it, I realize that birth is such a highly personal and circumstancial process.  No one can know what will happen during the course of a birth - it's a journey that unfolds in the moment!  Even though each woman may have her own idea of what an ideal birth is for her, I really believe that there is no birth where mom and baby come out alive and well (without feeling that they were compromised of what they wanted) that is better than another -Every mom deserves the chance to be well informed about her options for childbirth, and regardless of the birth plan, she also deserves to feel proud of the work that she did in bringing her baby to the world.  My choice was a natural homebirth, and I thank God every day it went well.  I also, now having been through the process myself, hold a deeper respect for every mom who has carried a child or children, delivered them into the world, and chosen to love them well.

Ok, so....I guess I have lots of material for this blog!  I couldn't wait to post this, he was just tooooo cute!!  The latest thing is that he is really learning to use his voice, and so he's babbling all the time.  He is also so strong that when he kicks, he literally thumps whatever surface he is on.  Matt and I get such a kick out of this - the video is not as good as real life (of course) but it'll have to do!  Enjoy!

Boys Night In, Girls Night Out

Matt and Zeke, home to fend for themselves!

Had a fun night out last night, but my nights out are way different than they used to be!  I went with my best friend from high school, Karin, for pedicures .  We were both severely overdue for some TLC - she's the mom of a two year old boy who rarely (if ever) gets downtime.  It was nice to have a conversation without being interrupted by crying (Zeke), or pulling and running around (her son Kai) which is typical of most of our time together these days. What's funny is that even though we didn't have all the normal interruptions, we still couldn't stay on a single topic, or even sometimes finish a sentence or thought!  Kids do that to mom-brains! 
So, I left the house around 4 pm and it wasn't even 3 hours later that I was already missing my boys.  : )  When I did get home around 8:30 pm, Matt made sure to rub it in that he got a number of things done, including traveling to the Sanford pet store and back, all with Zeke in tow.  So I guess he wanted a standing ovation from me for that?  ; )  Easier to sprint than run a marathon, I say!  Since he seems able to handle it, I guess I'll make sure to get out of the house for a break every so often!  Aren't they cute buddies, though - Matt and Zeke?

Hello, Everyone!!  Welcome to our blog!  : )

Zeke @ 12 weeks: Thanks,
Great Aunt Karen, Great Aunt Leslie,
and Great Uncle Arlo for my
very cool "First Fourth" onsie!!

I'm super happy to be doing this, it's been a dream of mine for awhile to have a blog to keep our loved ones posted on family happenings - I just never had the chance to sit still long enough to figure out exactly how a blog worked!  I'm sure I still have a lot to learn but I hopefully I have the basics down and can at least submit a post and get you guys pictures.  If it tells you anything, I actually had to download an app to my phone for the first time EVER in order to access the pictures on my phone.  LOL.  So, hopefully I'll get some grace from everyone as I learn to maneuver my way around the blogging world.

I'm not sure how often I'll post just yet, but I will be aiming for at least once a week - and if I get more than one update a week, then I'll consider that extra credit!

So, here we are - starting out with this blog when Ezekiel is 3 months old!  Welcome!  : )